The wounds that 

Tender our souls

Ring Out

Goodnight 2016.

Setting goals for the new.

Thanksgiving 2016

Lili's friend Edwin.

Tallying

September: 115 miles

October: 113.9 miles

November:154.19 miles

53 miles this week.

Eight Tracks and the Fall

It's late. Need to get to sleep. 5:40 comes quickly. It's funny the stress of trying to go to sleep, not very effective.

The cooler air and gray skies have been a welcome change. The change in the season around here is always so fast. Not the gradual, unnoticed turn, but a sudden unexpected  remembrance.

Recently I saw an old car for sale around town. I recognized, after closer inspection, It is the actual car my dad got me when I first started driving, I was fifteen or sixteen. (in Idaho you can get a license at 15, or is it 14?) anyway, it's a Scout. Dawned on me he was buying the closest thing he could to a tank for me. Kind of funny. It had an eight track player. On a summer trip to Glendale, California to see Joanna, I found a huge selection of eight tracks at a Goodwill store. I remember Jim Croce, The Eagles, Cat Stevens, among others.

Last 20 miler, for now

Pretty good 20 miler today. 

What made it better?

1. He takes walk breaks near the end of every mile.

2. He carried the water.

3. I listened to serial podcast for last 8 miles.

It's still pretty challenging for me. One more month to prepare.

Before I sleep. . .

June: 126.98 miles

July: 142.44 miles

August: 145.11 miles

Sixes

I haven't decided: which is more depressing--travelling through Nevada in the dead of winter or the dog days of summer?

After doctoring up the pic, and this close to Cali it starts to look better.

Last Night

Who is he? Why can he write songs, so many, like he does? Adoration continues, even stronger. Loved the videos on the screens behind him to accompany the songs. Songs: Smiling face, Up on the roof, Today, Martin Luther King one, Steamroller, Shower the People, and more. Hope to see him again in concert. Next time I want a pict with him.

Aunt Terri's

Yesterday at Aunt Terri's was horseback riding, motorcycles too, picking and enjoying peachcots off her tree, and visiting.

                 Zach, Lucy, and linc

                 Lucy is a natural

              Linc taking the reins

Terri and I trying to do that rodeo queen wave.

Spending time with the cousins is pretty great!

There She Goes

Well, the girl is off on her mission. Just like Tru's departure day, it's happy and good until returning to the house-- then it's a bit sad.

She requested lunch at Guru's.

She told me how to pose in the pict

She has a cute sidekick.

Affectionate sisters.

Now, we've just got to comfort the little sis who's upstairs crying.

Cut

Whenever I cut it short, I feel more like myself.

BYU Art Museum

Back in February at the BYU Museum of Art: the Early American West, is what I think it was.

Sunday Morning

Just the girls.

Race Day!

The Spirit of the Magic Valley races today: Linc got 3rd in his age group 5k. Henry took 1st for his group 10k. Lawdy ran the half in 1:59. Mr. finch followed close at 2:01. Fun time!

Lucy's Art

Lucy's latest from her Commonwealth art class. I especially like her two trees intertwined sculpture.

Banff

It was kinda magical. Beautiful. Large scale mountains every direction you look for as far as the eye can see. You're plunked down right in the middle of them. 

We arrived after midnight the first night, so couldn't see the scenery. Here's the view from my window the next morning. I've never been to the Swiss Alps, but it had me thinking I was there. 

Here's the Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel.

It feels authentic, cause it was built in the 1800's. Remember how we read Bram Stoker's Dracula a few years ago on our road trip to southern Cal? Well, this place reminded us so much of the descriptions in that book--castle like. Our last night there, Mr. finch and I had a fun time wandering around the immense place--old empty, dimly lit ballrooms, curving staircases, and more staircases.

See the pretty gray rock behind us? It's common to see it around Banff, a soft rock named after this guy that built a lot in the area, Rundle Rock, from Mt. Rundle. See our wrinkles? When did we age? It kinda snuck up on us in the last ten years. Who knew?

Lake Louise. Picture doesn't come close to doing it justice. Neither for Mr. finch. 

Running Totals

Coming down on the gondola after hiking up the backside of Sulphur Mountain in Banff a couple weeks ago. Hiked it with a new friend I made that day on the trail, Natalie, a law student from Quebec, traveling by herself for the summer. We didn't have bus fare after our climb, but some kind hearted strangers took care of it, and I promised I'd "pay it forward."

March: 118.83 miles

April:144.77 miles

May: 130.75 miles

Aunt Sally's

      Linc, Lu, and Hen by the creek

Yesterday evening at Aunt Sally's in Alta, Wyoming. So many vivid memories I have from childhood here: arriving late one night in the summer, sleeping with the windows open and hearing the creek,  scary whiteout drives midwinter with snow piled higher than the car on both sides of the road, pack trips in the Tetons, wrapping meat one early morning in Uncle Chuck's cold meat house. Going butchering with uncle Chuck one summer when I was twelve. Learned a whole lot that day. Aunt Sally and my mom feeding us honey with our pancakes, thinking we wouldn't notice it wasn't syrup.

Fun to see the faces of cousins and cousin's cousins that made firm impressions on me as a child.

Cuff links and Pomade

Tru was commenting that since he pays his tithing online, possibly his bishop wonders if he doesn't pay it.

Lilian said, "Yeah, he probably thinks you're spending it on cuff links and pomade instead."😂

What We Watched (2015-16)

1. Call the Midwife

2. Foyle's War

3. Downton Abbey 

4. Poldark

All These

Spending a couple days with Henry's World Religions class.

Yesterday we visited an Islamic center in SLC, it was amazing.

This morning we attended a Jewish Barmitzva, and a Buddhist meditation service. 

All beautiful and worthwhile with focus on gratitude, helping others, being mindful of choices.

So much good in the world. So many good people with pure intent. 

Our Final Derby

Enjoyed our last night of the races.

My "How To Cope" List

Morissey calls it the "black dog." Pretty good description. This is my third post regarding depression. Lately, as is common in these winter months, I've had several friends and acquaintances share with me that they are struggling with feeling down. For some it's related to the season, the shorter days with less sunlight; the colder temps making it harder to get out and get fresh air. For others it's an ongoing battle--regardless of the season.

For times when depression affects the ability to function fully, I have a routine that helps in survival mode. It goes a little something like this:

1. Try to go to bed earlier, and try to take a nap if possible. Or two or three.

2. Make a list for the day, but remember only essentials matter. A very short list mind you. Maybe three items. For example: you only put down what absolutely has to get done. For some, that might mean driving the kids to school. Essentials mean: eat, sleep, help the children be where they need to be. Other than the essentials--let it go.

This list can help give purpose, especially when it's difficult to think or focus. It's also helpful in helping you realize that you have a task that day and congrats, you can cross that item off when you do it.

3. Fill up a water bottle. Or buy one. Or drive through a drive through and get a large water. Drink it. Then refill it. Drink it again. It's good for you. It will help your mind, body, and skin. You can do it. Take it with you wherever you go.

4. Each day write down one to three things you are really glad about--what are you grateful for that day. It has to be sincere and heartfelt, you really have to ponder about it. If you have a notebook or piece of paper write down the date and what you are glad about.

5. Hey, give yourself a big fat break. Guaranteed you won't feel this way for long. You can clean in a few days when you are feeling better. You can make that decision when things are clearer, but for now you need to pause a bit. If you feel down for an extended amount of time you may need to get medical help. No need to let things get out of hand before you get the help that can allow you to take care of yourself and your loved ones. You are so great! You are gonna feel better soon!! xoxoxo

These People...and The Lines on my Face

I birthed these people. It never ceases to amaze me. They grow. And then they grow some more. And then these lines suddenly, out of nowhere appear on my face one day--not too long ago. And they keep growing-- the kids, and yes, I guess the lines too. It's happy most times. Too happy to say. And then of course some bitter mixed in--cause that's what makes the sweet what it is. I just didn't know they were all coming-- the kids . . .and the lines.

My Mom's Art

This last Christmas I put together a book of my mother's paintings. I had family send me pictures of the paintings they have in their homes. It turned out decent. I sent copies to my brothers and sister. They also ordered copies for their children.

When my dad saw it before Christmas at my brother Boyd's house, he called me crying. At first I thought he was going to tell me that my mom was in the hospital. Instead, he told me how happy he was with the book and that my mom was going to love it.

Turns out Brigham Young University in Idaho will be having a show of my mom's art next month, March 10 through April 8, 2016. We are happy for this treat--a time to honor mom-- her life, her work, her art. What a blessing to do it now, while she is here with us on this earth.

Resolution

Being a grown up: being patient, holding your temper, cutting out the self-pity. 

-- from a wise gentleman in Humans of New York.

To be more often in that place where i can make things happen.

Book Highlights from 2015

The History of Joseph Smith by his mother Lucy Mack Smith

The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

All three had themes of inspired parenting--fathers and mothers who I would like to be like.

The Whitney Nursery

So, we're pretty good with little people. Gonna enjoy having grand people's around someday.

Regret

The master cleanse:

Eat as many fun size snickers as you desire in a 48 hour block of time.

Results: 

gain 3-5 pounds

Feel sluggish, tired

Progress

PR'd today at Pocatello Just Cuz Half Marathon: 1:47. Pretty darn happy!!

Perfect weather. 

By Shel

Everyone has a weakness,

But I have two;

Everything you say and

Everything you do.

His Lesson

Lincoln taught the lesson last night. Here are his notes.

"Our Heavenly Father

Coming to know God"

Remembered

A few days ago Mr. finch and I were driving to Park City--his annual fall meetings there. I had some good feelings on the drive. They were a bit of gratitude. I made a mental note that I needed to write them down. It was simple: a gratitude for friends. Friends who will talk the entire run if I can't. Be it five miles or ten, they just keep talking. And the opposite too: the same friends who will listen if I jabber the entire run. Lately it's been the quiet from me. I feel guilty for the quiet, but it's all I can muster just to be there. Sometime I hope to be back, to have something to say again. Till then, I silently think my thanks for friends who will talk.

Great books for Great Boy

When Truman mentors Lincoln.

This and that

If thy eye offend thee. . .

Also,

Anyone can cook well with enough butter and bacon.

Where?

As a child, 

Didn't you always wonder

Where your mother was

When she was away?

There is a woman somewhere,

Strong and clear 

As the day is long,

Baking bread 

And scrubbing floors.

Offspring

Having everyone home together is a blast.

Settling

It looks like the dust has finally settled. How do I know? A trip to the library, followed by a quiet afternoon of art and audio book.

He's Home

With vim, vigor, love of life, and a fullness of the spirit, Tru arrived home May 6th.

This short time with him, before he leaves for school is a treat.

I've before wondered, why, for others it's  so hard to get through this life. And now and again I too find myself wondering why it feels so uncertain, tight wire to pass from one time, space to another.

Dave Matthews Grey and The Space Between kinda catch the sadness of transition.

Burning Sleeves

Burning

Bridge. 

On the sleeve.

Tellin

It 

Like 

I see. From where I stand. 

From where you stand.

Binding feet and tongues.

Stunt the growth.

Grateful for:

1. Babies arriving in the wee hours.

2. Mothers who value the experience and know their bodies enough to trust.

3. My children. Astounding me daily. Lucy is the most honey buttery girl of sweetness. Lilian has turned into the jabber box and walking encyclopedia, regurgitating all she learns at her CSI classes. Henry is the man, forcing us to laugh at ourselves and our overly serious ways. Linc the mixture of the best in all of us wrapped up in his little boy confidence. Tru--"missionary in a foreign field," weekly reminding us of our dependence on a higher way.

4. The day I will not have to make another decision on the house.

5. The time I can go a month or two without walking into Lowes or Home Depot, my homes away from home.

6. Seriously, the endless decisions are making me ill. No, I am not complaining. I wouldn't dare.

Various and Sundry

March 2: 10 miles

March 3: 3 miles hills

March 4: 3 miles hills

March 5: 5 miles

March 6: 10 miles

March 7: 12 miles

-----------------------

A poem in the works:

Wearies one

Waiting,

Watching continually for stars

Watching,

Waiting,

Wearies.

-----------------

Another in the works:

And so they arrive in the night.

Quiet

Stillness 

Cueing 

The womb to begin

It's rhythmic.

So they come

In stillness,

Quietly 

to the homes of 

Trusting.

Quietly to the homes 

Of knowledge,

Where the child 

Valued over all.

Without

Have an idea for a new blog: Life Without Cheeseburgers. Would weigh the actual cost of going without and try to answer the age old question: Is it worth it?

Him

When I woke up and walked into the bathroom this morning, Mr. Finch said, "Wow, crazy hair." I smiled sleepily. "That's your Native American name," he said, "Crazy hair."  

"Mine is Hair-So-Neat."

He cracks me up.

Funny. 

Haven't cried for ages, 

But last couple days you get me started and I can't stop.

Fatigue probably.

Change is always a stumbling block.

Leaky faucet.

Observation

Yesterday Lili said to her dad, "You know how they took and analyzed the pictures of Lincoln before the war and after the war? We should have taken pictures of you and mom before building the house, and after."

Do I have to split you two up?

He had to sit between these two during scripture study to get them to stop giggling.

Fifties

And the early morning run

Tells of better days to come.

Who Knew?

15.1 miles today. Had not intended to go that far, but it just felt great. Who knew?! Interesting because I could have easily done five more. Hadn't gone long since September. Mr. Finch had to listen to me talk about it all day. Late afternoon I did pass out for a long winter's nap. Back to the races, so to speak. 

Absence

Been thinking about beauty lately. 

Beauty in any form. 

Pondering about it, my recent thought is that beauty is not so much a specific thing, but an absence of other things. 

An absence of other things.

A less is more idea. 

Sift

Write she says.

And so I write.

To sift the contents of the heart. 

"Heart, don't fail me now."

This small organ,

Fleshy,

So easily betrayed.

Write.

Sift it all.

Baking,

As a young girl I always skipped that step--the sifting, would rather measure loosely. So now the habit formed, I scarcely ever sift. Except in cases of delicate recipes.

Sift to sort:

Truth from error,

Wrong from right.

True it up please,

I pray. 

True me up.

Measure twice,

Cut once.

Waiting to cut.

Divine help needed in the measuring.

Not of Plums, But Dust

This is to say

The wondering of the nots. 

We find ourselves,

These years later, 

Only now with time's slow passage to see the collection of dust.

Only years gone by allow the slow rust, the small, subtle dings, scratches in the woodwork--

All of these, to show. 

Bring the paint,

The brush, how to recover the disrepair? 

To what do we compare this wear and tear? To what is it due?

Enough did we teach?

Enough do we show?

Burn it all down?

Do we all find it thus?

The Eyrings and all?

Or just us?

This Still

This still at dusk,

Earlier tonight,

gentle,

While pinks in the sky.

Another closing summer,

Hole in the ground 

Waiting two miles from here,

Skeletal soon to rise, true to form.

Linking the open skies

at each evening's visit.

Early and Late

Before my run I went out to spy and found this little boy reading in the early morn.

How Grey Was My Portlandia