a blog of ones own

2012-01-24T15:33:00.003-07:00

My blogging is so sporadic that it takes me a couple tries with my password to even get it right.

This sporadic streak is similar to my friendshipping.

When I need you, as a friend, I really need you.
When I call my sister, mom, or text you,I really want you to be there. You should be there, just waiting for my call. When I can't reach my fantastic older sister, I often say on the message, "Where are you when I need you?"
Yes, sadly it's all about me and my need.
Stinky? Yes. I think it might be a symptom of being the baby of the family.

And then, when I am fine, and busy in the business and busyness of life, I happily go my way with no thought of you, for days, even weeks.

Hmmm, well, I may not blog for months, but then when I do, I want to hear from you--pronto.

p.s. I saved Lu's(8 years old) life today. She was choking on a noodle and lips were blue, I gave her the heimlich and. . .she is fine.

p.s.s. The snowflakes yesterday, while skiing, were the most perfectly ornate and delicately formed six sided things I'd ever seen. Looked faked. Never before seen any flakes like that.

"Baby Horses"

2012-01-14T22:55:00.003-07:00

Baby Lincoln, although six,
in my morning bed
tells me, in a high toned voice,
that he is a "baby horse".

I quite like baby horses in my bed.

Honestly, don't know what I'll do
when there are no more baby horses
in my bed in the mornings.

Piece by piece

2012-01-14T22:44:00.005-07:00

My
friend Dorothy
once, while living in Hawaii,
had a cockroach crawl in her ear
and die.
The doctor had
to dig it out piece by piece.
True story.
Miniature Willy Lomans, like oompa loompas
crawl, sometimes into my ears and
set up camps in the recesses of my mind.
Little lean-to's here and there, made out of whatever scraps
they can find.
There they sit around small fires warming their hands,
or an occasional can of beans,
who knows how long they'll stay?
It's times like these that I'd like to blame Arthur Miller,
but is the messenger really the one at fault?
I like cliches and want to say
that truth is definitely stranger and stronger than fiction.
What are those camps called anyway?

Beginning to see a Pattern here

2011-11-20T15:50:00.006-07:00

Looking
at the greens,
yellows,
and, of course the blues, of my choice,
I am beginning to see,
to my surprise,
all falling. . .
all fitting. . .
into a design.
A beautiful design--
a pattern here.
A pattern of warmth,
a pattern of worth,
a pattern of you
and a pattern of me.

Whining--5 Cent Charge

2011-08-18T19:42:00.007-06:00

Having a hunch that most,
if not all
whining in the world,
is just asking
for love
and attention.

Not always, but most of
the time it an be interpreted as
the question,
"Am I O.K.?"
"Do you love me?"
No, scratch that. It's more than loving.
It's asking, "Do you value me?"

So, how do we answer the whining?
How do I answer it?

the inevitable fall

2011-08-09T08:44:00.003-06:00

darkness
this morning
took us by surprise.
always does.
you'd think the constancy of
change would
make us remember.
it catches our breath,
the dark,
the something
in the air
a bit of difference
a bit of coolness.
the nudge that these
numbered dog days
will soon be gone,
in its place the inevitable
fall of the year.

where the paint landed

2011-07-14T16:15:00.004-06:00

Trying to be provident (ha!)
I used the several quarts of trial paint
on the interior, since they didn't make the
exterior cut.

The Gray Stone is still unused,
but Flagstone adorns the half bath, a lovely gray.
The brick surrounding the fireplace took the Patches (a brown/green),
really warms the space,
while the Steeple Gray coats one wall in Lincoln's room--
a perfect blue gray for a boy's room.

The Process of Colorants

2011-07-13T22:03:00.004-06:00

Gray Stone
too light
gave way to
Patches
too brown
gave way to
Flagstone
too light
next,
Steeple Gray
too blue
and
finally
although
questioned
momentarily,
but ultimately
embraced,
Dover Gray--
The winner.

What She Learned Today

2011-06-22T22:17:00.009-06:00

1. I should write a book and make a mint.

2. it will be called Home Maintenance for Idiots

3. what, you think that's already published?

4. OK then, Home Maintenance for Complete Idiots.

5. Truman pointed out that the pressure washer is a lot easier to activate when you push the safety button in. Up to that point, about five whole minutes, I had been thinking how inefficiently the handle was designed--only for huge, strong men hands. After that, it was much easier--thank you Tru.

6. Butter knives work well for scraping moss chunks off cedar shake roofs. Rooves. Hooves.

7. Said butter knife can fit down hip of my pocketless running capris and not fall out.

8. Said butter knife and cell phone will both fall out if inserted in pocketless running capris.

9. Save cell phone, let butter knife fall out pant leg and over the ridge pole of Moody Spurgeons kitchen roof to its demise. ("Say one word and let me know if you're dead, Anne")

10. Moss does not grow on the South Side of the roof, unlike the North side. Just that bit more sun and presto--no moss. It's the little things.

11. I can power wash roof, entire exterior, and cinderblock fence in one day.

12. p.s. I miss my big kids all day. Music camp this week. I am so glad they are usually at home. And not just for their work help, honest. I just miss them. Period.

13. Learned this one last weekend in Utah: there will be Ragnars in Heaven, no doubt, except we'll be sleeping in feather clouds instead of high school gymnasiums.

Home Improvement

2011-06-13T11:44:00.002-06:00

Last week I worked very hard.
A contractor put up some new cedar siding on a section of our house.
The kids and I were left to paint it.

We caulked and caulked.
We taped and taped.
I have been studying colors for the last year, and after talking to design/color man from Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh Paint, we were all sure we had found "the" color. A taupey, green, grayish brown.

So, rented the paint sprayer, bought the primer. Primed. Waited two hours. Painted first coat paint. It had been a sunny day, I really hadn't even noticed the dark clouds gathering and moving this way in the west.

I was just putting away the sprayer for the night, Bishop/Mr. Paint Man told me rain was coming and I'd have to do the second coat on Saturday. No sooner had we gone inside than the downpour began.

Standing in flip flops, holding an umbrella in the driveway I watched the rain running down the back of the house, and the paint ran with it. White patches here and there started to appear as the rain washed down to the empty dirt flower beds.

Can I tell you how exhausting painting is? Can I tell you how funny it is that all, or most of our work is ruined and has to be redone?

Bright side: Mr. Finch, and all of us for that matter, ended up not loving "the" color. So, we'll be trying a couple samples of gray today.

Me and the Kids

2011-06-01T14:49:00.002-06:00

Going through some old photos. Two years ago at Green Canyon.

2011-06-01T14:30:00.001-06:00

Two boys two years ago. Time's a flyin'. Cute, no?

2011-05-13T14:30:00.007-06:00

So, this blog design never changes.
I must say, I am reluctant to face change, but it is high time I had a new look on this blog. Sadly, all the controls are so old that I can no longer figure it out. I need to get Havilah, my computer smartie to visit and help me.

Words are juggling around in my head, have been for some time. Need to clear a few of them out.

You know that poem about "something there is that doesn't love a wall," by Robert Frost? Well, I have been rewriting it to say " Something there is that loves an empty room." Truman had his sophomore piano recital recently, which was beautiful by the way, and we emptied out the front room, with the exception of the piano, and put in folding chairs. But after when the chairs were gone--ahhh, an empty room is delicious--so roomy, so fresh, so open to possibilities. Mr. Finch never ceases to be puzzled by the movement of furniture in our home. When shopping recently for home items, Lincoln my five year old said, "Why do we buy things and then take them to D.I.?" From the mouths of babes. It's nice to put something with color and shape in an empty place, but after time, it's nicer still to get rid of that item and feel the emptiness again. Understand? It really makes perfect sense.

Latest movie review: Went and saw the new Jane Eyre. It is authentically true to the text. Artistic, beautiful, clean, romantic. A bit slow, and full of melancholy. My question is and has been for years--was she going back to Mr. Rochester at the end, even if he was married still? I lean to the side that she was. Or do you think she was just going to check in because she felt his spirit calling to her with news? I loved the actress's unique beauty and the fact that she appeared to have not a bit of make up on. Lovely.

Wanting to see again: True Grit. The new one.

Sometimes I don't start a project because I see it as one large whole that seems impossible to achieve. Thinking I could actually get more done if "I took small bites, and chewed very slow, just like a good girl should" (Shel Silverstein)
I could actually make a dent in a few things.

Lucy is delicious to me. Beauty. Sweetness. Tenderness.

Lincoln is honey. He is effortless. He is silly as his maternal grandfather. He is the baby I can still hold and comfort when tears fall.

Henry is timid to others, humorous to us, and stylin.

Lili is now almost grown up. Capable. Beautiful.(Lock her up.)

Truman is sixteen and driving. I am in a new world, not knowing how to parent him.

Lance and I are too expectant. Meaning--expectations of world, selves, and each other too high. Can we learn to enjoy more? Maybe our mantra could be "come what may and love it!" (Which of the brethren, no, think it was a sister, said that?)

As I get older, yes, close to forty, two of the people I like to be with most are my parents. So much of me, my thoughts, desires, habits, are from them. And they aren't such bad ways when I stop and think about it.

a new stage

2011-05-02T16:32:00.003-06:00

What I am wanting to say is something like this:

You have these darling babies.
Their soft, round bodies fitting in the crook of your arm.
You sleep with them nestled next to you, nursing,
knowing you are doing the most important thing possible (thankful that as you feed them, they in turn take all the extra fat from your frame).
They grow.
It is remembered as sunny days going for walks, visits to the park, play dates with other young mothers and napping quietly in the afternoons.
Baking, cleaning, etc.
But now I find these babies, well, one or two, those sweet ones who I could not get enough of, the ones who once adored me, now grown older,laughing at my every move. "Hmmm, what have I done," I think? Where did I go wrong?

She finds my faces, expressions, and laughter annoying and revolting. I know I could be, should be, more refined, more constrained, but mercy child, I can't change my laugh. The conclusion I find is that there is nothing I did wrong, I thought surely I would avoid this. Proud, eh? Humility is leveling. Probably good for me, but painful still.

"A Bible, A Bible?! We have a Bible!""

2011-03-29T20:13:00.003-06:00

A Baby! A Baby?!
We have a baby!

They Puffed!

2011-03-03T07:58:00.004-07:00

"They puffed!" I yell down the stairway to the boys.
That's our victory cry when the german pancakes puff up really high. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. There's no telling when or not. Used to think it was the heat that determined, but it's not the determiner--it's just the luck of the draw.

Well, this morning they did. They taste better when they do.

When we were twelve my girlfriends and I did Jane Fonda aerobic video every Saturday morning, followed by a big old german pancake breakfast. Too funny. I remember sitting at Amie Neilsen's kitchen table with her parents and Tiffani Anderson eating germans.

Germans have become a staple at our house. I've eaten so many that I rarely eat them anymore. I've had my dose for a lifetime. They are a great standby when you don't have anything for dinner too. Eggs, milk, flour, butter. Wala.

Kids come from all corners of the house asking, "Did they puff?"

2011-02-28T19:37:00.003-07:00

If Morning Ever Comes by Anne Tyler

If Spring Ever Comes by This Idaho Wind

2010-05-06T18:50:00.005-06:00

The fasting was unlike anything I've experienced.

Doing it with a friend made it possible--for that length of time anyway.

Now, since the fast ended, almost a month ago, I've fasted one day each week.

Yes, making progress with my feelings/habits regarding food.

_____________________________________________________________

Wall Street Journal had an article about a new book Life Would be Perfect if I Lived in That House.
You have to know my past obsession with searching for "the" perfect place to raise our children to know how fitting this title is. My obsession does not have to do with "material wealth", but rather the thought of finding a place that meshes all my childhood hopes and dreams into one: a home fabric woven from bits of the Newman farm, Little Women, yes, Laura Ingalls, and Caddie Woodlawn.

The article touches on the books theme: "What else should we expect from a child enraptured by Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House stories, where nearly every book starts or ends with a move? Moving is the American way. A land of immigrants and pioneers is by definition, as the geographer Yi-fu Tuan observes, a'land of escapists'."

So, Mr. Finch, wanna go look at a house?

(just kiddin'. You know I've since learned that our present and future depends not upon some fictional "perfect place" but rather on the content of my heart and mind.

Cleansing

2010-04-12T22:08:00.004-06:00

Just completed seven days water fasting.

I'm sad it is done, or rather sad the reverence of it is gone. But maybe it's really not if I write it down and remember it.
My perception was much keener during the fast. I was much more sensitive to others and to myself. Every interaction seemed to be valuable, as did every person. My compassion for others was multiplied.

Several realizations occurred to me during the fast.

I'll just share one: all I have is all I need.

Broke my fast with a small grapefruit and a few berries.

Of course the real work begins now to be mindful even while re-entering the consuming.

"A genuine fast cleanses body, mind, and soul."--Gandhi

Mastery

2010-04-10T10:22:00.005-06:00

Thoroughly enjoying Mastery by George Leonard.

Leonard quotes Chinese Zen master Layman P'ang (c.740-808 A.D.):

My daily affairs are quite ordinary;
but I'm in total harmony with them.
I don't hold on to anything, don't reject anything;
nowhere an obstacle or conflict.
Who cares about wealth and honor?
Even the poorest thing shines.
My miraculous power and spiritual activity:
drawing water and carrying wood."

The children and I sat down the other morning and talked about this and we each answered the question, "what is our daily drawing water and carrying wood?"

So, what is your daily "drawing water and carrying wood?"

This daily practice is crucial for peace and growth. Do we do the daily practice--wiping counters, praying, nurturing--even when it's mundane, or do we seek to escape the daily mundane by drugs, entertainment, food, relationships outside the home?

"More than a Concrete Christ"

2010-04-04T19:28:00.005-06:00

Highlights of this weekend were Mr. Finch's Brazil Mission Reunion and General Conference.

Seeing his mission President and his family and old mission companions after seventeen years was wonderful for Mr. Finch and all of our family. How different our lives would be had Mr. Finch not served a mission. What sweet memories and blessings.

Conference just keeps getting better and better, don't you think? Overall theme seemed to be families and teaching our children in our homes, also the greatest gift of personal revelation. Sister Beck's talk was the most crucial for me--the need to seek for personal revelation to know what to do. Loved it. Truth.

Bought seeds for early planting: cilantro, peas, lettuce, onions, and was given some garlic seeds.

Making progress with eating more healthy. Come a long way since my first days in Vancouver when Mr. Finch came home to find the fridge and cupboards bare. I had met my first Vegan friends and had read a book or two and thus filled up the bike cart with all the oils, refined sugars, and much else and delivered them to our nearest neighbor friends. Too funny. But then with this incredibly bare slate I was not quite sure what we were to eat. Now, after many years it is all coming together nicely and there is quite substantial probability of making the changes that allow for greater health and vitality.

p.s. "More than a Concrete Christ" is a line from a song J.T. sings about Brazil, where Mr. Finch served his mission.

Chicken Prisoners of War

2010-03-15T21:31:00.005-06:00

Surely those poor chickens are going to have mental problems.
Today it was in the fifties.
That means balmy warm here in Idaho.
So we felt alive again,
like the earth would
someday be turning green before too long.
So I led the troops, some screaming,
to clean out the chicken coop.
It was a job.
And those poor hens look as though they've been prisoners of war all winter. You'd think they've been exiled in Siberia. Really, it is so sad. Anyway, I had miscounted the chickens, thinking one was missing, and asked aloud to the children if maybe they'd eaten one of their own. Happily, funnily, of course all eight were there. Well, dug and dug and found the bottom of the coop finally, and put down some cedar bedding for them. Fed them some oats and table scraps. They were all so skittish and wouldn't even get out of the coop for long. Hope they adjust to spring and more freedom soon.

We also burned three piles of dead--dead sagebrush, corn stalks from last fall, etc.
Tru cut the raspberries down and we spread the chicken waste all over the garden plot.
We also raked some in the front yard.
Now that Spring is almost here my dream of a horse or miniature one is alive and kicking.
Or maybe even a dirt bike path for the boys.
Yes, I think it's extremely healthy to dream.

Mr. Finch went grocery shopping with me and he was very surprised at how prices have gone up and felt (I dare say) some sympathy for me and my efforts at feeding us all within a budget.

It is Spring break here. We made a list of PLAY & a list of WORK for this week. We accomplished some of each today and hope for the same tomorrow.

I often have words running through my head--like a fountain--so many words--so many. But, will stop for now. Hoping you are happy, and knowing you can be so.

Lawdy

Henry's Latest Joke

2010-03-08T14:04:00.002-07:00

Henry always gets a laugh around here when he says:

"www.Lincolnsmellsfunny.org"

A Feast Unknown to Festive Halls

2010-03-08T13:03:00.006-07:00

Saturday we attended my nephew Clinton's sealing to the lovely Melissa, in the Bountiful LDS Temple. The sealer shared a poem written by Orson F. Whitney, an Apostle of eighty years ago. His words are inscribed on brass plaques in the entry of the Canadian Alberta Temple. The part about the "feast spread unknown to festive halls" really caught my attention. With all the festive things in this world--I felt it was truth--that the best feast of all awaits us in the temple. It felt good. I know this is true. (Thanks to Mr. Finch for finding the quote for me.)

Hearts must be pure to come within these walls,
Where spreads a feast unknown to festive halls.
Freely partake, for freely God hath given,
And taste the holy joys that tell of heaven.
Here learn of Him who triumphed o'er the grave,
And unto men the keys, the kingdom gave;
Joined here by powers that past and present bind
The living and the dead perfection find.

So he's telling us that the temple gives us a taste, a foretaste (is that a word?) of the joys of heaven. So the temple is the closest we can get to heaven here on earth. Boy, it makes me want to have clean hands and a pure heart.

How can I marginalize others?

2010-02-11T21:29:00.004-07:00

Oh my,
very excited about the new online class I'm taking.
It is about the Constitution of the U.S., and so much more.
Tonight was our second class and what I learned was huge:

In a nutshell:

In working with others,

build on commonalities
How can I marginalize others (if they see things differently, believe things differently) when I know what that feels like to be marginalized?

Stop yanking people's chains and start listening and realizing we are all on different stages of a journey. The site below was set up by our instructor James Ure. Check it out.
http://www.constitution.ning.com/

Bobos= Bourgeois Bohemians

2010-02-02T09:45:00.004-07:00

This guy's book Bobos in Paradise--by David Brooks is a funny, honest, full look at our society. Thoroughly enjoying it.
Regarding Bobos and religion: "They aim for decency, not saintliness, prosaic goodness, not heroic grandeur, fairness, not profundity. In short, they prefer a moral style that doesn't shake things up, but that protects the status quo where it is good, and gently tries to forgive and reform the things that are not so good. This is a good morality for building a decent society, but maybe not one for people interested in things in the next world, like eternal salvation, for example."

Brooks goes on to explain that Bobos have already created their own heaven here on earth and their idea of it continuing is all the more heaven they desire. Give them their Range Rovers, their slate tile, and their National Public Radio and they'll be content for eternity.

yes i say

2010-02-01T21:28:00.003-07:00

babies, yes i say
he says no more in this life for us.
grand
babies.
yes,
they are
grand.
they all say you'll know when you're done.
i don't know.
i think i want anotherone.

Greens

2010-01-22T20:33:00.002-07:00

favorite new additions to my a.m. green drink:

coconut milk
1/2 a lime

mixed with my old concoction:

kale
parsley
banana
orange or pineapple
ice

Bite 2

2010-01-11T12:17:00.003-07:00

It's funny to remember that I used to think I could be "cured" of depression altogether. Whether it was praying harder, reading my scriptures more, becoming a vegan, or avoiding all refined sugars--for some reason I thought if I tried hard enough I could make myself whole and never have to deal with depression again. While those things can help, not any one of them makes it go away completely. Time after time I'd wake up from a bout with depression with utter relief and somehow think "well, that's behind me, never again will I experience that." Coming out a depression is like your receive a new lease on life--you are in a sense born again and I always thought my past was washed clean of depression as if it were some sort of sin.

Now, on the other hand, I know that I will most definitely face bouts of depression again in my life. My plan and my knowledge is that the bouts are getting further and further apart and I am careful when I see the warning signs coming--careful to sleep more, etc.

We are here in this imperfect world--it's not heaven. I've come to a place where I wouldn't want to trade the depression for something else. I am thankful for the empathy it gives me for others. Experiencing the depression has made me a more tender person--and has given me more love for others. The pain it creates gives me more gratitude for my Savior. "When I leave this frail existence, when I lay this mortal by"--then, and only then will I leave depression behind for good. Until then, I am thankful for the day to day joy this life brings--I'll take it, and what comes with it.

Acquainted With the Night

2010-01-08T20:19:00.004-07:00

Have been wanting to write about the big "D" for some time. Was it President Monson who called it the "demon of depression"? Not wanting to even give it the time of day, I hesitate to name it's name--don't even want to give it the satisfaction of looking at it across the room, but for the sake of clarity I'll address it head on. Haven't had a serious bout of it for over three years, and I'm thankful for that. So many know what it feels like, while others have not experienced a day of depression in their lives.

Over time, I'd like to describe what it feels like, then address the possible causes, and then ways to manage it. So, first off what it's like. Over the years I think I've gotten pretty savvy at recognizing the warning signs. For me, it's like an overcast cloud, or a tiny seed in my heart or mind. A little seed whispering that "something is not right." So, you begin to brainstorm--what isn't right? Is it something I've done? It whispers "you aren't where you need to be." One hint is when I start daydreaming about wanting to be anywhere--anywhere but where I am. It's a fallacy--that if I were in a different place the cloud would be gone. It whispers lies, telling me that choices are wrong. Sometimes it stems from something so small and insignificant--for example, I'll come to the conclusion that I'm not redeemable because I my penmanship is messy.
Silly things. But the trouble is you can't shake the whisper--can't get away from it. You begin to have this whisper of fear at all times.

Definately inherited. Definately in the blood. My heart goes out to my Grandfather when I read of his wrestling for years unsuccessfully with it.

When I'm not experiencing depression, I feel gratitude and see beauty all around me, but when it's rearing it's ugly head everything around me is suddenly dark, ugly, and not good enough.

Writing about this is like--trying to eat an elephant. It's so big and so much to say. Maybe if I just take it a bit at a time.

One of the things that helps manage it is sleep. A study, of which I have no reference, reported a large group of chronically severly depressed individuals who went to bed two hours earlier every night for something like a month--the percentage of the individuals depression was so significantly reduced--just by getting more rest. So, I try and rest, go to bed early, take a nap when possible.

So, that's my first bite. More to come.

five gratefuls

2010-01-07T11:36:00.004-07:00

today's list will be some memories:

1. Tru, about four, in goggles and his bvd's dancing and singing in the backyard amid pouring rain in Vancouver.

2. Lili, at age three sound asleep on the couch in Vancouver with a book open in her lap. She has on black cowboy boots and a red plaid dress, her long hair pulled back in two pony tails.

3. In the green Vancouver bathroom, it's Sunday morning and we're hurrying around getting ready to go to church. Henry, two years old, has already bathed and is dressed. Getting ready, I hear splashing in the bathroom--I run in there he is, sitting in the bathtub fully dressed playing with the bath toys.

4. The day she was born, I walk into the basement bedroom at 118 Taylor where she was born and find her father doing his first ever photo shoot of Lucy. He's taken such initiative--laid out blankets as the backdrop and puts her in various poses. Yes, she's smiling. (You smile and pat me on the shoulder and say, yeah, right she was smiling.) She was. The day she was born. She lies contentedly as her eyes wander around the room observing her new home. She. was. smiling.

5. Earlier this very morning. Knowing I should be up by now--should be on the treadmill but this soft, warm little person next to me. . .knowing he'll only be four this one time in eternity. Feels like tearing to leave the warmth of the bed and the sound of his breathing. His musty ear smell--soon he'll be like his sinewy older brother, too big to crawl in between us in bed, reluctant to accept his mother's affection. So, for now I'll just stay nestled in and enjoy. He'll rustle a bit, reach till he feels the skin of my arm, and then be still, smiling with eyes closed to say good morning.

another gratitude list

2010-01-06T12:45:00.003-07:00

Today it will be:

1. oranges. in this bleak mid-winter, as I told you before, nothing hits the spot at 4:00 p.m. like an orange at room temperature.

2. The Book Thief. Fabulous book I am enjoying. We checked two out from the library and Tru, Lil and I keep trying to get our hands on a copy. (I hide my copy under my pillow.)

3. the domino effect of a cleaning lady. Now, as you might suspect, I am not big on outsourcing things like housework, especially when there are five children needing to learn to work, but, but, I must explain and defend myself. A cleaning lady visiting every so often is an amazing fire starter. You suddenly find yourself cleaning like a mad woman nesting before she gives birth. And why? Well, because the cleaning lady is coming and we've got to get this mess cleaned up before she gets here! It creates a nice ripple. For example, the master bath is cleaner than it's been in three years.

Three things today

2010-01-05T09:06:00.001-07:00

i find it helpful in the bleak mid-winter to count the blessings.

today it is:

1. YMCA
2. ability to sweat
3.wool socks

my little blog

2010-01-03T21:11:00.004-07:00

well my little blog,

here we are.

a new year.

because of my lack of entries,

i think all our readers, all five of them,

have gone their separate ways.

can you blame them?

i too, stop checking blogs when there are not enough new entries.

So, here we are--just you and me.

Remember last year when i invited readers to join us at my blog table--

for a little hope and faith?

Well, this year my thoughts are turned more to

freedom and the love God has for us.

Never before have i realized how much he loves us.

Never before have i thought more of his love for us,

and less about right vs. wrong, and towing the line.

2010 is open before us.

My family sat down, talked, and jotted down a few goals

for the new year. We made a few family goals,

and then some individual goals. Did you want to hear a few?

O.K.

Linc. (4): play checkers more often

Lucy (6): Stop to think what to do when angry

Hen (10):Be a better brother

Lili (12): help great grandma record her life history

Tru (14): Finish freshman year of George Wythe college reading list

Lawdy (36): Practice Peaceful communication daily

Mr. Finch (38): Complete the half and full marathons

So, there you go. Linc. is a dandy checker player. He even let me beat him one game yesterday.

(. . .Buehler?. . .

. . .Buehler?. . .
. . . Anyone? (this is me begging you to make a comment).

scribblings from her planner one December day

2009-12-27T10:51:00.003-07:00

stalk straight corn remains
rows of yellow bright mid brown soil,
cows graze,
raze it down--
splindly brown, black skeletal
deciduous trunk stands amid grey sky.

The Virgin Mary

2009-12-10T10:52:00.005-07:00

Detail from Virgin Enthroned, Abbott Handerson Thayer

Detail from Virgin, Abbott Handerson Thayer

Two of my favorite interpretations of Mary.

This is Christianity

2009-12-10T10:33:00.004-07:00

A few years ago Jane Johnson gave us a beautiful little book by Charles Dickens, The Life of Our Lord. Dickens wrote this account of Jesus Christ for his children with strict intent that it never be published. Years later, his great, great grandchildren published it.

We included this excerpt in our Christmas cards years ago. We just started this book again as our morning read aloud. Here's the excerpt from page 122:

Remember!--It is Christianity TO DO GOOD, always--even to those who do evil to us. It is Christianity to love our neighbours as ourself, and to do to all men as we would have them do to us. It is Christianity to be gentle, merciful, and forgiving, and to keep those qualities quiet in our own hearts, and never make a boast of them, or of our prayers or of our love of God, but always to show that we love Him by humbly trying to do right in everything. If we do this, and remember the life and lessons of Our Lord Jesus Christ, and try to act up to them, we may confidently hope that God will forgive us our sins and mistakes, and enable us to live and die in peace.

About the Lincolns

2009-12-10T10:22:00.007-07:00

Did you miss me?
Sure you did.
What have I been up to?

I've been reading for the past month about Lincoln--his life, death, and his wife Mary. It's been fascinating.

The Day Lincoln Was Shot
The Madness of Mary Lincoln

After reading three different books about Mary, I think I finally have a glimpse of who she was. Often viewed in a very critical light, Mary is seen as crazy, selfish, extravagant. After a more balanced review of their lives, I can see that yes, while Mary suffered from mental illness, along with Abraham, and while their relationship was strained from the very beginning, they managed a life together--even including tenderness amid the difficulties. The harshest of critics say that Mary was the thorn in Lincoln's side--the bane of his existence. I think that is just looking at the negative and not the good that occurred.

one to remember

2009-11-05T10:17:00.002-07:00

What was it he said?

Something close to this,

"You're pretty much an angel when you've had enough rest."

Best compliment, maybe.

a note to the photographer

2009-10-27T17:48:00.003-06:00

Dear Mr. Satorialist Man,

From time to time I like to visit your world. Wow. Such fashion. Such flair. It's not Idaho. But, I always leave with the same question: What are these people eating?

They must be living off cigarettes. I think we'd all be featured in the Satorialist world if we were wasting away. It just looks poetic, eh?

Blue Eggs

2009-10-27T17:46:00.001-06:00

two days ago we had our first blue egg!

Familiar Phrases Around Here

2009-10-14T21:54:00.004-06:00

Where did you come from?
usually answered with the word "heaven".

Why did you get sent to my house?
in my head I answer my own question with that song from Sound of Music,
". . .so somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good."

You know what you're made of?
various answers: butter or sugar most common

Who's your best friend?
"OO" translates to "You", or "mommy". Good answer, good answer. XOXOXO.

Kneeling at Breakfast

2009-10-14T21:31:00.002-06:00

My latest thing is making breakfast every morning for the children.
I know this shouldn't be a rarity, but it is.
So, it has been fun each morning, the last couple weeks, to have a real sit down breakfast together.
We even kneel down to say our morning prayer/blessing on the food.

I remember being at my Uncle Chuck's house, (you'd look out the window to the Tetons)
they'd always kneel at their breakfast prayer, or at least I have a memory of that.
Grandpa Thornock, Mr. Finch's grandfather always used to kneel for breakfast prayer too. Kneeling on the hardwood floor in the morning seems so fitting--bringing a humility, a pattern, and a gratitude.

Bringing my children together--the breakfast gathers us to pray together--is a happier beginning of our day than each of us eating on our own in rounds.

Thank you Nie

2009-10-07T19:13:00.003-06:00

Watching Nie on Oprah today made me ponder a few things.
First of all, after watching Nie I kept trying to find the right word to describe her powerful presence--so I narrow it down to two: refined and lady.

Both she and her husband were so composed, peaceful, and full of the spirit.
It reminded me of something my mom used to say to me in high school: beauty is as beauty does. Amid my efforts back then--seeking after beauty, mom was always trying to remind me that it was deeper and much more. Today, I couldn't take my eyes off Nie and craved to know more of her--it was like looking into a whole new realm. A whole new way of approaching things--a more refined, selfless, higher way. Nie chose a hard, albeit, happy road. Waking in the mornings, sometimes when things seem especially challenging, I take courage and renewed strength as I think of Nie. She inspires me to enjoy the journey and reminds me what true beauty is.

She reminds me to slow down. She reminds me that beauty has nothing to do with losing fifteen pounds or having my hair a certain way--it's more about humility, love, sacrifice, and sometimes doing hard things to make my family happy--a sort of refined discipline.

So, yes I do still want to beautiful--and have that glow that Nie has. She always had it, but it's much stronger now.

This just in

2009-09-28T12:49:00.002-06:00

We just found our first two eggs here at the Whitney Conservatory.
Two small brown eggs, one still warm--hot off the press.
Cost of coop: $125
Cost of Chickens: $20
Cost of feed for five months: around $200
One more step towards self-sufficiency: priceless.

2nd Annual Girls Weekend

2009-09-28T12:27:00.003-06:00

Spent a girls weekend in Boise.
Ran the 5k, shopped, ate, watched TV (a rarity) and spent time with friends.
Good friends are such a blessing.
Got to know Roxanne's sisters and mom better--I adore them.
Came home feeling refreshed and delighted by my darling children.
Did almost make my secret goal of nine minute miles, just a few seconds over.
Thinking of a baby.
Thinking of Fall and the cooler air.
Thinking of blissful sleep.
Thinking of a husband's love.

Doing

2009-09-11T10:59:00.004-06:00

T's cello lesson
T's piano lesson
H's piano lesson
L's violin lesson
L's piano lesson
Scouts
Young womens
Young mens
Chimes Choir
Commonwealth Class
Soccer
Seminary
Tomatoes
Beans
Corn
Raspberries
Weeds
Run
Swim
Weigh
Visit Teach
Trim Bushes
Wash the Cars
Have a Party
Take Pictures
Write in Journal
Family Picture
Christmas Prep
Worship
Groceries
Meals
Read
Pray

travels

2009-08-31T12:35:00.003-06:00

Dear Monterey Bay,

We met last week and I fell for you quickly-your balmy air and sandy shores and noisy, ever sqwauking sea gulls. Steinbeck's influence--the paintings of his characters from Cannery Row scattered here and there. Our morning runs along the coast, followed by fruit bought at the nearby cafe, but eaten on the hotel deck. You were lovely, and there is a place in my heart for you, but alas, on our last day, we went further on the coast--
and your memory was momentarily overshadowed by Carmel. Oh sweet, darling, and nestled Carmel. Where have you been all my life? You're not Southern California, but a nice mix of Oregon coast, maybe a pinch of Sun Valley, and northern Cali. So, I will love you both, not sure which one more, until the next time.

Lawdy

Not Much Difference

2009-08-20T13:22:00.006-06:00

dear neighbor lady,
you know the back corner out where our fence meets? The one that is hardly a fence at all?
Well, who says those are weeds on my side? Why can't we just pretend they are
expensive, rare, beautiful flowers in a carefully cultivated English garden?
What do you think?
I mean who decided that one was a weed and one a flower? They grow so abundantly--in such abandon, why should I fight them all summer only to find myself tired of it by mid August, throwing my arms in the air and let them be.
Mary Oliver says I don't have to crawl across the desert repenting,
so I think I'll just let those weeds continue.
Besides, October will be here soon enough.
And, in October, there's not much difference
between my yard and yours.

2009-08-20T10:33:00.002-06:00

sixteen years.
happy anniversary.
must say, we are getting better at this
marriage stuff every year!

Vision Change

2009-08-14T09:40:00.002-06:00

This land has become beautiful. How did it happen?
Have my eyes changed? My vision must have. I remember just seeing dry, forsaken desert, but now I see these waving fields of wheat and corn. Kind of like water waves--but different. And you know what? I think if I were choosing I'd choose the golden wheat and corn waves over water any day. Wow. How we evolve and change. A sprinkler, a breeze, a sunset, and a field of corn, wheat, even beans and its lovely.

Running

2009-08-13T10:34:00.007-06:00

Why I like to run

Uncomplicated
Simple
the rhythmic pounding.
Quiet too.
So forward moving,
so forward looking,
"one step at a time"
moving.
Really "going somewhere"
progressing,
this steady motion--run.
Success easy to cypher--moving?
You're succeeding.
Run.

(Written two years ago March 29, 2007, on my 34th Birthday as I waited for my eldest in his piano lessons.)

p.s. could have just as easily written a poem about why I don't like running.

Roxy and me on 4th of July

2009-08-08T09:59:00.001-06:00

well put blue ladies

2009-08-07T16:36:00.003-06:00

well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable

Is that what you do? So Do I

2009-08-02T13:08:00.003-06:00

I've been so busy living that I haven't blogged all summer.
Summer has been full.
A few highlights:
planting garden
building chicken coop
morning walks on the canyon grade with Tierra and Roxanne
Les and kids coming to stay--fun at Bass Lake, our kids reconnecting. Kendyl's "You have boyfriend?"
Yamadas from Canada visiting, Monya is the easiest houseguest I've ever had--love her!
Kayaking in Snake River with Jenny--catching fish--it's so addictive--loved it!
Swimming in Snake with Pearsons, wishing mom and dad still lived in the canyon house
Looking at jr. and high school photo albums with Tiff, Shari, Terri, and Jo--I haven't laughed that hard in years--thanks to Tiffani Jo A. for the hilarious narration through our walk down memory lane.
Spudman--Mr. Finch ran, I swam--guess what? 19.7 minutes. Two minutes faster than my swim seven years ago. My new goal is to beat my brother-in-law, Jon's swim time of 16 minutes. Mr. Finch was so calm--I loved having him there.
Pioneer Trek--deserves a post of it's own. Be still my beating heart--how I love those pioneers--especially Levi Savage and Ephraim Hanks, and our family--funny Tanner, Suzi, McKay, Chris, Jordan, Jacob, darling Nicole, and sweet Whitney.
Mr. Finch's twenty year high school reunion last night--are we really that old? I love my husband's friends wives. They are the neatest ladies.

And still to come:

Mr. Finch's family reunion
Lewis Family coming to visit
dinners from the garden harvest
fair and rodeo
hen's laying in the fall

What we can afford or Bless Him

2009-06-24T11:54:00.004-06:00

After Mr. Finch had made a few deragatory comments about the chickens and the need to build a coop, looming over him like a black cloud, as those chickens kept growing and stinking up the garage, I gave him a little talking to--reminding him of all the wonderful things that having animals to care for teaches our children, (not to mention the mint we're gonna make selling eggs--just kidding.)

Then, after spending an entire Saturday in the rain building the coop, making multiple trips to Home Depot for supplies, that night Mr. Finch in family prayer sincerely said, "We're thankful we can afford to have chickens."

Bless you, Mr. Finch. Bless you.

My Dear Dad

2009-06-20T23:16:00.006-06:00

Some memories I have of my Dad:

There's a picture somewhere in my house, I am praying to find it--it's my Dad holding me when I am just a few days old. He has on a yellow-mustard colored button down short sleeve collared shirt, its unbuttoned, and he's got on a t-shirt underneath. The picture doesn't show his face--it shows his torso and his arms cradling me. I'm like a pea pod Indian baby in the picture. This is one of my happiest memories of my Dad.

I must have been about five sitting on my dad's lap in church rolling his tie up and hugging him.

Dancing a slow dance with my Dad at a church dance when I was sixteen or seventeen. I was proud to be dancing with the handsomest guy there. (He was chaperoning the dance.)

In high school I wrecked the car one morning on the way to school. He could have been angry, but I remember being impressed with his restraint and patience with me in a trying time.

One summer day when I was fifteen, Dad had been out on the boat most of the day giving family and lots of children rides on tube, turns skiing, etc. I had been at work most of the day, and that night he went to the trouble of taking me out waterskiing since I'd been gone all day. I've always remembered that.

Living in Jerome, I remember the fun we'd have on summer days when Dad would irrigate the lawn with those tubes. He always kept the yard so beautiful. Whenever I stepped on other lawns I wondered why their grass was weedy and lumpy, and I knew it had something to do with my Dad.

Over all the others, I love the memories I have of my Dad sharing his feelings about Jesus Christ and the Gospel. Usually this was at home in the living room on a Sunday or Monday evening. I liked his tears and emotion.

I remember when I was just a child, my Dad watching M.A.S.H. and Johnny Carson each night and eating popcorn, and maybe a few slices of a milky way candy bar. Almost every Sunday night he'd make popcorn balls for a treat. On Saturday mornings, even now, he makes waffles. I like it when he's dancing around the kitchen taking waffles off the griddle, singing silly songs, or trying to kiss my mom.

Nowadays, I watch my Dad play legos on the floor with my children, or take them to D.Q. for treats--they adore him. Tru, my oldest is now fourteen--his limbs are lean and long--I see my Dad in him--the skinny high school kid. I look at Tru's long fingers and beautiful nails and see my Dad's hands. When Tru was three I remember him telling me he wanted to be as "tall as Grandpa B."

He's still the handsomest man in the room and I'm still so happy he's my dad!

I love you Dad. I am blessed to be your daughter. Happy Father's Day to you.
My prayers are daily for you and your heart to stick around here on earth with us for a long time yet.

WEED & READ

2009-06-04T11:35:00.006-06:00

We are doing a new thing around here every summer morning.
It's lovely. It's free. It's productive. It's good for soul and body.
It's called "WEED & READ." I can't take credit for the idea or the name--they both came from Sariah, remember my friend Sariah? Well, she told me about it and we've done it each day this week. It's amazing how much we can get done in just thirty-sixty minutes a day. We can do the entire yard in a week.

First thing after breakfast, while it's still cool we all head out to the yard or garden to weed. We weed, all in the same spot, while one of us reads out loud to the others. Mom was going to do all the reading, but I quickly found out I was itching to weed while the children are not as motivated to--so I let them take a day to read too. Just this week alone we've read about Magellan, Julius Caesar's tragic death, Casey at Bat, Abe Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, part of Don Quixote, and an assortment of poems. We're reading from that What to Teach Your Fifth Grader book.

Here's to a great new family tradition!

Green, chicks, kitts, and Shakespeare

2009-05-13T17:41:00.008-06:00

The chicks are here! So interesting to watch. Ten in all. A little dream come true. Only time will tell if it's still a dream next winter in cold early mornings--maybe a nightmare.

Spring is here at the Conservatory. Never seen a spring quite as vibrant as this one.

And with Spring, a new batch of kittens--this one is Sophie, sporting a lovely doll sweater.

This little Aracana (sp?) chick is named Sarah.

Our Commonwealth School put on Shakespeare's play, "As You Like It," last weekend at the Oakley Playhouse. Can't believe they pulled it off--we were all a little apprehensive, but it turned out fabulously! Who knew they had it in them? Darling kids!

Meet Leo

2009-05-06T17:05:00.003-06:00

Leo is L.'s (12) new rabbit--our favorite breed--the Netherland Dwarf--smallest of all rabbits.

He is betrothed to Pansy--another Chestnut Netherland Dwarf. Neither of them are full-grown yet.

Tru's Court of Honor

2009-05-06T11:23:00.004-06:00

Tru received his Eagle!

You Asked For a Picture

2009-05-06T10:55:00.003-06:00

Here's the Table--the one I don't love. Clean lines, rustic, heavy, dried mango wood. Note L.'s (3)pant patches. He loves his pants with patches.

Another view of the table the night before Easter.

inconsequential

2009-04-03T22:26:00.006-06:00

Things are just things.
Bryce, my older brother, or was it Glen?, no, I think it was Bryce once told me
"you love people, not things."
I must have remarked about something I loved.

I agree, so I am trying not to LOVE my new dining table.
It's Celestial.
We spotted it three years ago, and just bought it last week.
It is my 36th Birthday present.

Note to Self

2009-04-03T22:22:00.003-06:00

What I want to say to myself:
embrace your choices
embrace where you are
embrace the possibilities around you
Don't pine about what is out of reach
Don't whine about what is left behind
Rejoice in the now
Rejoice in the how
Rejoice in the berries, the chickens, the never-ending yard
work.

Feeding the Hungry and House Hunting

2009-03-27T21:16:00.004-06:00

So,
there it is again,
my favorite intro.
"Where have you been?"

Me? Where have you been?

I, for one, wondered if I'd ever have another post on my blog at all.
I seriously considered closing up shop for good. Luckily, I didn't delete it all in one fail swoop.
I'm notorious for deleting things in the heat of the moment.
For example, if I ever dated you and then didn't, chances are I have no pictures of you left--not a one. Another example would be the numerous times I've thrown out tapes or CD's over the years--purging them because I felt they were not as appropriate or praiseworthy as they should be, only later to wonder what I was thinking.

One of my favorite relaxing things to do is look at houses. For the weekend, the Wall Street Journals home section is ideal. You know how your heart rate is lower watching TV than sleeping? Well, my heart rate is even lower when I look for houses. It soothes. The Journal is fun because you get to the point where anything under a million is a bargain. Anything less than that really catches my eye. I like to decide which house would be the best--maybe just narrow it down to two or three. I still need to do my documentary "To All the Houses I've Loved Before."

The highlight of my week was serving at the local soup kitchen tonight. Such purpose. I love it when the purpose is so clear and uncomplicated. For two hours it was bliss. Help. Thats all. Just help. I can handle that. I can be a good person when it's uncomplicated. I really feel a kinship with homeless people. I'm not joking. Maybe something about my life mission has to do with "feeding the hungry." And I mean not just the hungry people within the walls of my own house, although for now, that is the feeding that is most important.

Good night you.

Thomas Jefferson Ed Forum 2009

2009-03-09T12:34:00.006-06:00

This year the highlight of the Forum was Oliver DeMille's Keynote address. Mr. Finch had tears falling out during most of it. I love it when Mr. Finch cries. He does it often.

Demille's keynote "The Great Depression of 2012"

First Demille reviewed the phases from the book: The Fourth Turning by William Strauss & Neil Howe.

Four Phases in history that have ALWAYS occurred--and are a cycle--over and over.

1. REBUILDING

2. AWAKENING

3. UNRAVELING

4. CRISIS (actually three within this: a. wake up, b. economic crisis, c. major military crisis, or pandemic.

Any guess which phase were in now? You're so right! CRISIS. You are so intelligent.

Let's get to know the phases a bit.
If you want to FAIL--Live in the last cycle. To SUCCEED--live in the current phase and look to the next one too. Almost everyone lives by laws of the last phase.

Rules of Success for the phases:

1. rebuild phase-home and entraupreaneurships
2. Awakening phase-get a career with a big institution
3. unraveling phase-get whatever career you can and do a lot of fun things in the evening.
4. crisis phase-home and community are key--connections and relationships

Nowadays, anyone over 30-60 defines success as college, career, entertainment, big house, nice vacations, retirement. This is entirely outdated.

We can take all these old ideas and burn them on the front yard for everyone to see--let all these old ideas go. Burn 'em. Start Fresh. Start doing and being who you are destined to be. Stop trying to do what our culture has taught--do what you know is essential. Take back your evenings with your family.

For age 60plus, success was defined as public school--because back then they saw teachers and admin. as extension of parents. Also, they define success as being at same stable job for your entire career. They see savings as the best investment. "Public schools are so 2nd Turning." Yes, they were extensions of parents in 1947, but not now.

Those who will thrive now--will embrace the new rules. YOU and YOUR children should be the ones to embrace the new rules. The new is liberating, freeing.

NOW--what to do? DeMille made a list of 14 Key Points to Success-- things to help us through--from one of my all time favorite books that usually sits on my bedstand,
Our Home, 1st volume, by CE Sargeant

14 Key Points to Success in 4th and 1st turnings:

1. Embrace the New and the Now. This IS our new economy. Forget 3rd phase goals--let the old go. Write down new goals. Set sights for the now and new.

2. Evenings and Sundays with Family
Sargeant describes so well--BUILD those relationships

3. Self-Culture: as opposed to pop culture. pop culture: trying to fit in.
Self-culture: doesn't try to fit in, instead says "I think I'll just be myself." There's a self in there that couldn't care less about fitting in. Burn all the old in your front yeard.
What you Wanted to do, What you Wanted to be--NOW--it's the time.

For next 30 yrs, this is Reality. Burn the junk and make it happen. You will be happy when you choose to be happy.

4.Individual Rules for LIfe

Self-culture
Write up rules for your life
Plan them and live them

5. Raise Adults--it's time to get started.
In 2nd turnings we raise accountants, drs., lawyers, etc.
In 3rd turnings we raise children--stretch out as long as you can. (there's a lot of 30 yr. old children out there)
4th turnings we raise ADULTS.
Cause we need them when they're 17 to serve our country and serve freedom
We need them at 17 to start businesses on their own.

6. Meaning--trials, sorrows, difficulties
Part of meaning is to be grateful.

7. In 4th phase the focus will be:
Widows
Orphans
Grandparents
Children
Sick (those who are)
Unhappy (those who are)
Before, in 3rd phase these were "projects", in 4th--they're our life.

8. Marriage is Central Focus of your life.
First you're a husband, then a dad.
First you're a wife, then a mother.

9. Initiative Education
2nd phase- job training
3rd phase-job skills
4th phase-those with initiative lead out and make the day
1st phase-Leadership

10. Entrepreneurship

in 4th phase You get to dig down and build from scratch
1st phase-grow the business

11. Produce Wealth
4th phase create wealth to Help the Needy

12. Creativity and Inventiveness
Be creative in your frugality
Be creative in finding money

13. Resiliancy--never give up. stay optimistic. keep improving

14. Ambition--making sure Good wins out.

In 2020-2025 Society will decide for free future or socialistic future.

ALL of these happened in a 4th phase: US Constitution, Ended Slavery, Ended Naziism, All great things happen in 4th phases

It's time to put nice house, car, retirement behind us--it's not reality anymore.
BE A Family and help community.

tomorrow

2009-03-06T18:39:00.001-07:00

it's that time of year again. . .
the thomas jefferson education forum in salt lake city.
looking forward to it. . .
i'll post my notes again this year.

I hope I remember

2009-03-06T18:22:00.006-07:00

I don't think I can do it justice, so I am not going to try.

But, if I were going to write something to try and capture what I really want to remember about our friend Ben --his life and the memorial for him yesterday, it would be something about this:

Ben was here for a short 13 years.
Ben was joy and love.
Ben had Prader-Willi syndrome.
Ben calling the librarian every morning at 6:00 am to see if they would be open that day.
Ben walking his Fast Offering Route with joy, no matter how long it took.
After hearing his father complain about someone, Ben asking, "Can I still like them, dad?"
Ben was pure and truthful--without guile.
Ben stood still and smiled at you.
Ben was never in a hurry.
Ben honoured his Priesthood.

2009-03-04T07:44:00.003-07:00

Chelle at There She Goes (http://itsawonderfulwonderfulworld.blogspot.com/) posted this on her blog--it's inspiring. Enjoy! (Mom, scroll down and turn off my music first)

Gentlewomen Farmers

2009-03-03T22:42:00.006-07:00

The afternoon today looked like this:

Five home schooling moms sitting around a picnic table at the local pool (covered over with a bubble for the winter) visiting about raising cows, chickens, and children, while our young happily splashed and played shark and minnow in the pool. Was one of those times where I wouldn't have been any other place in the world.

I began by stating that the home raised quarter beef we'd purchased from a local farmer was unlike any meat we've ever tasted--it's delicious. I've never been a meat person, well, let me tell you--this is living--this is meat. We eat it on Sundays and are surprised each week at the flavor.

Fellow mom, Charity, said we could raise our own beef.

"How hard can it be?" she confidently assured. "We just buy a calf, put it out to pasture,"
"and finish it on grain" I piped in.

Also discussed was the possibility of two or three families sharing a milch cow (doesn't Little Britches spell it like that? it has such a nice ring when you spell it like that).

And, last but not least was chickens. Sariah worried about their rooster, Bill, last night in the downpour, so got up at 2:00 am to cover the poor man who she kept envisioning standing in inches of water.

I'm happy sitting around talking cows, chickens--maybe we didn't actually get around to children talk today. No matter.

Later, taking L. to her dr. appoint, I don't think I'll capitalize that, I felt sad for the young ladies at the front desk. The ENT's office is connected to a medical spa (think lipo) and I went to the wrong entrance, those enchanted girls working there were so done up and were a bit put out to tell me, in my denim skirt and boots (my uniform), which entrance to go to. How much they miss. They missed the cow, chicken, and Rooster Bill afternoon. Poor, poor things. I think I saw a tub of the remains of the lipo (think fat) in our dr. room. Serious. I'm gonna ask next time if it is.

L.(5), while waiting for the dr. to come in, read out loud one of the attention getters on a Woman's "Health" Magazine "Lose Your Belly."
"Mom, have you ever lost your belly?"
"No, L. I wouldn't want to."
"Why, can you not breathe without it?"
"Well, it would be hard to, and you couldn't eat your supper."

Lesson here: Ladies leave well enough alone. Your naturally aging body is more beautiful than those cheek bones I can spot a mile off. Please, just leave it alone.
Go raise a chicken, plant some seeds, buy a calf, you'll feel better soon.

"The Federal Government Did Not Create the States"

2009-02-25T14:19:00.002-07:00

This quote is old, but it applies as well today as ever:

Campaigning for the presidency, Reagan said,
"This is the issue: whether we believe in our capacity for self-government or whether we abandon the American Revolution and confess that a little intellectual elite in a far distant capital can plan our lives for us better than we can plan them for ourselves. . . .Somewhere a perversion has taken place. Our natural, inalienable rights are now considered to be a dispensation of government, and freedom has never been so fragile, so close to slipping from our grasp as it is at this moment.

. . .in this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. . . Our government has no power except that granted it by the people. It is time to check and reverse the growth of government, which shows signs of having grown beyond the consent of the governed.

from 2/20/09 www.thepatriotpost.us

Honeymoon's Over

2009-02-19T19:11:00.006-07:00

Remember those first few months of blogging?
Getting on the computer and stumbling into someone's world and being delighted and amazed that they are just like you? --They actually think just like you, and . . .wow, we have so much in common. Remember again stumbling into yet another blog--an old friend of a friend, someone you hadn't talked to in years? Wasn't that fun? Wasn't it great to see the different styles of decorating homes, the cooking ideas shared, and fashion too? And also having your faith strengthened, and your sense of self validated by observing others in all their unique and sometimes quirky ways.

I kinda feel like the honeymoon is over--it's like I keep expecting that we'll all go to lunch and actually meet. My favorite blogs remain the same:

Pioneer woman
Country doctor's wife
yes, CJane
Nie too
Balancing Everything
Flourishing Mother
Melancholy Smile
Design Mom
and of course people I actually know.

But some days I'm just plain bitter about the fact that I'll never actually meet Pioneer Woman, even though I feel like she's my sister, and Country Doctor's wife is my sister too--she's even more peculiar than I am, but anyway--just a bit of dissatisfaction at the remoteness--the loneliness of knowing, but not really knowing, ya know?

Madness

2009-02-18T17:15:00.002-07:00

So now Federal Banks?
Scary.
I'm speechless.
But Glenn Beck isn't.
Are you listening to him?

Mom's in the kitchen

2009-02-18T17:03:00.006-07:00

I keep thinking this today:

Mom is in the kitchen making bread,
God is in His Heaven,
All is right with the world.

Is that irreverent? --Just the significance of where mom is and what she's doing. Such simple things to bring peace and contentment to a household, but funny how sometimes that peace and contentment is so elusive. It really does feel nice--like this morning when I'm in the kitchen and the sun is coming through the windows. I'm making wheat bread with freshly ground wheat, the big kids are at the counter doing their math, the little kids are playing trains on the floor--it just feels good. What more could we possibly want?

(. . .well, i could maybe think of just a couple little things)

Looking Forward To:

2009-02-14T15:41:00.002-07:00

1. chickens in the spring
must build a small coop

2. planting raspberry bushes out back
must order the plants

3. making a new tablecloth
must find and purchase cloth with springtime colors

LAWDY LAND--(see above)

2009-02-06T20:16:00.002-07:00

Credit and thanks go to Sara from Chronicles of Schofield http://schofieldstudio.blogspot.com/
for coining the phrase "Lawdy Land"--I love it! Thus, it has been added to the name of my blog. I'm sure you're all thrilled. Chanks Sara. You should check out her lovely, fun, and thoughtful blog above. Oh, and we're sister-in-laws twice removed. Just kidding. I have no idea what that means, but we are truly related, sort of.

Stimulus Schimulus

2009-02-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.
Want to hear T. Jefferson's view on it?

". . .If one generation chould charge another with a debt, then the earth would belong to the dead and not to the living generation. Then, no generation can contract debts greater than may be paid during the course of its own existence."
AND:
"We shall all consider ourselves unauthorized to saddle posterity with our debts, and morally bound to pay them ourselves; and consequently within what may be deemed the period of a generation, or the life of the majority."

"The principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale."

In Grandpa's Wallet

2009-02-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

While going through Grandpa's wallet last week, Grandma found this little poem--a creed Grandpa followed. None of us had ever seen or heard it before. By the look of the paper, he'd been carrying it for some time, we don't know how long, at least four decades, maybe longer. The paper was yellow with age and the print was almost gone in some areas. He carried it in one of those little temple recommend plastic covers. The first line of it got us. It reminds me of cowboy poetry.

It ain't so far from Right to Wrong
The Way ain't hard to lose
There's times I'd almost give my horse to know which way to choose.
There ain't no signs or guideboards up
To keep you on the track
Wrong's sometimes white as driven snow
And white looks awful black.
I don't set up to be no judge of right or wrong in men
I've lost the trail sometimes myself. I may get lost again.
So when I see a friend who seems as though he'd gone astray
I want to shove my hand in his and help him find the way!

A Mighty Man

2009-01-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

Could they be any cuter?

Great Grandpa Thornock (Mr. Finch's grandpa) passed yesterday morning around 4:30 a.m. Sunday he sat at the table, dressed and eating his breakfast, Monday and Tuesday he was in bed all day and not responsive, and early the next morning he left. After the early morning session at the temple yesterday, I went to see Grandma. She met me in the hall laughing and crying saying, "They're having a big party without me!" Referring to Grandpa and his only son who died thirty some years ago and one of his four daughters who also died years ago, and Grandpa's parents.

Grandpa Thornock is a rare kind. He's gentle. He's extremely patient and even-toned. He and Grandma never slept apart--except when he was in the Service. If grandma went to get her hair cut, grandpa went too, and vice versa. Going into their home has always been like an automatic slowing down. I've never seen either of them rushed. They always act as though you are the very person they wanted to see, and you must sit down and have something to eat. They have no other purpose that day and time than to visit with you.

Grandpa Thornock has had more influence on Mr. Finch than any other person. We're thankful for Grandpa's life and example. He is a mighty man. Grandma asked me yesterday morning if I thought he might be waiting in a line or something. I laughed and said, "No, grandma, grandpa is the kind they just wave right through."

Everyday on the Radio

2009-01-27T17:15:00.000-07:00

Quote,
momentary lack of reason
lapse in judgement
mispoke
partial
made a mistake
embezzle
stimulus
bail out
free? market
end quote.

The situation reminds me of our dearest ailing Grandfather. Wondering how much longer he'll have to suffer. Wanting to know what we can do, but also feeling a bit helpless. Wondering how much longer and how bad it'll get.

So, yes, Republics are the least stable because they rely upon Virtue as their fuel.

In Honor of the Linden out back (and greener days)

2009-01-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

We are memorizing this poem now. Isn't it lovely? I'd like to be like this tree--lifting leafy arms to pray.

Trees

by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see

A poem as lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in Summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

The Derby

2009-01-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hen made a good showing at the Pinewood this year. We all gave a long sigh of relief as he won his first race. He designed and painted a royal blue car, with four quarters and a dime taped on last minute to meet the weight limit. Almost made it to the Mall competition, but lost by a hair.

best part:The Grey Hat With the Bow

2009-01-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

inaugurate:1. to induct into office with a formal ceremony 2. to make a formal beginning of; start 3. to celebrate formally the first public use of; dedicate.

just today

2009-01-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Shelves
books
disorder
use
reuse
crumbs
decisions
decay
Baruka
tantrums
patience
virtues
lack of
thirty five
years
growing
thighs
ever
fog frost
daddy's
coming home.

little girls

2009-01-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

One she left behind.

Lucy & Eliza Jane

2009-01-17T11:46:00.001-07:00

Lili took these last summer . . .

A Touch of Aspen (is that misleading?) think what you will.

2009-01-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe our best B. Family Reunion yet.
Talent Show
Square Dancing
Scrabble
Evening Devotionals
Sledding
Glen's first 24 hour PB&J Bar

Missing:
Cousin's March

Grandpa B. snowshoeing

Tru enjoying the outdoors (we said no ipods while interacting with humans).

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys

2009-01-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

I think Lil's been inspired by Pioneer Woman's photography:

My oldest brother Glen's belt buckle from when he was a little cowboy, he's now fifty something.

Lili (11) likes to dress up the "babies" every so often and take them out for "photo shoots." She did these last Saturday during my nap. We are fond of them. We want them to be backgrounded with Willie Nelson's "Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys" song.

Tweed Dreams

2009-01-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

I've found it.
The dream sectional.
I'd found it in shape before at Roxanne's, but
now I've actually found the fabric.

As I was flipping through the fabric samples on the ring,
It reached out and grabbed me.

It's just like a tweed jacket.
I love tweed.
I've even thought of naming a son "Tweed,"
imagining it sounding so manly.
But, Tweed would so quickly turn to "Tweedy", then "Tweety"--not so masculine. So that name will never be.
My couch, on the other hand, has a very fair chance of being.

In our fifteen years together I've talked Mr. Finch into a lot of things,
tweed jackets have not been one of them.
How many times have I imagined him in a tweed jacket with a white shirt?
Well, he will not.
No matter! I will have a TWEED COUCH!

I'll have to show you the fabric samples sometime.
Leaning to the "herb" or "butterscotch."

With All This Talk. . .

2009-01-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

of new beginnings,
fresh leaves,
turning pages,
I keep thinking that if we are not living the life we were meant to live--
if we are not being the people--the person we could be--the
person truth means us to be, then,
no matter what we do to comfort or console ourselves,
no matter what we accomplish in any way--
be it beauty,
learning,
or skill,
we, ourselves,
and our lives
will be sadly
STALE.
And no amount of outward effort will take away that staleness in our eyes, our spirit and our very being.
When we are true though, our authentic spirit comes through and overcomes a multitude of failures.

Some New Will

2009-01-06T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hi,
You came!
I'm so happy to see you.
Come in and get warm.

There's a special meal here for us.
I didn't prepare it, but it's here nonetheless.

I was thinking you've been so busy.
You could use a bit of a rest, (me too).
A few moments to collect ourselves as we embark on a new year.

Welcome to my dining room.
You'll see the table is simple--with a honey-colored stain,
numerous nicks due to children's pencils, but clean still.

Two large serving dishes on the table.
They look delicious, don't they?
Please, sit down.
Would you like some?

Well, the one does look like mashed potatoes to me,
that's the Faith. It's heavier--more substantial.
The other one is mixed berries and some whipped cream on top.
That one's the Hope.
Oh, that's OK, they can be whatever flavors you want.
No, no they don't have any calories--but give
limitless energy to body and soul.
Yes, they are similar, but different enough.

It's more filling than you think, and rejuvenating.
Take a bite--you'll see.
Nothing's the same after.
Physically, mentally, spiritually, socially.
Wherever you are--no matter.
However long you've been there--no matter.
This meal of Faith and Hope has a way of changing
us and bringing all things good to our remembrances.

Regenerating
it is.
Regenerating are we.
Regenerating through Faith and Hope prepared for us, by Him.
A new will into our being. A new way--a more perfect way,
Only whole.

RING IN THE NEW AND TRUE

2009-01-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Did you sing this today at church too?

Mr. Tennyson hit it out of the park with this one.

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, The flying cloud, the frosty light. The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die. The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old; ring in the new. Ring, happy bells, across the snow. The year is going; let him go. Ring out the false; ring in the true. The year is going; let him go. Ring out the false; ring in the true.

Ring in the valiant men and free, The larger heart, the kindlier hand. Ring out the darkness of the land; Ring in the Christ that is to be. Ring out the darkness of the land; Ring in the Christ that is to be.

From Scout to Mr. de La Villehuchet

2008-12-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

On December 24th the Journal reported that Mr. de La Villehuchet, "co-founder of an investment advisory firm that suffered losses in the Madoff scandal" had been found dead in his Manhattan office. He had lacerations from a box cutter on his arms and sleeping pills were found nearby. My thoughts have been pondering poor Mr. Villehuchet. Whether or not he was at fault is beside the point. I've heard some words in my head in the child voice of Scout when she's talking to Mr. Cunningham outside the courthouse in To Kill a Mockingbird. The situation is different somewhat, but essentials are the same. If Scout could have spoken to Mr. Villehuchet in his despair I think she would have said, "Entailments are bad, but every little bit helps." I think she'd tell him that life is more than money. I think she'd try and comfort him and tell him all was not lost--and whatever was lost could be found, at least the essentials.

Mr. Villehuchet you are more than your money. You are a child of a loving Father. Mr. Villehuchet, please don't despair, there is a way. He would have cried, or maybe would have been too far gone for tears, but Scout would have tried to touch his hand and tell him it would be O.K. Mr. Villehuchet, do you have grandchildren? Mr. Villehuchet I'm so sorry you were so alone and so hurting. Mr. Villehuchet, it will be all right. It will work out. Mr. Villehuchet you aren't alone.

Merry Christmas to All

2008-12-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Happy, happy, Christmas
That can win us back to the
delusion of our childhood days,
recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth,
and transport the traveler back to his own
fireside and quiet home.

--Charles Dickens

Our Presbyterian Neighbors

2008-12-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

Spent a lovely morning worshipping at the local Presbyterian Church. I haven't visited very many churches outside of my own faith in my life. They have a beautiful old building--gorgeous with stain glass windows. Linc (3) looked up at me as the meeting was starting and said "what is this--a temple?" The home school hand bell choir was performing, so we went to hear them play. The congregation and pastor were so welcoming and friendly. Singing hymns with them was wonderful--and the pastor's message was uplifting and sincere. I loved the call to prayer--people randomly stood up and asked the congregation to raise their prayers up for "so and so" who's recently had "this or that" struggle in their lives. So nice. Then, after the service we all headed down to the basement for a party. Cookies to decorate and eat, cake, little flannel stocking ornaments to make. A few of us visitors looked at each other and said we'd like to try and institute cake after church too, at our own wards.

I'm so thankful for so many good people in the world--and for so many places of worship. I'm thankful to pray together with others, and I'm so thankful for welcoming love, even though we aren't members of their congregation.

p.s. Put a very large cardboard box outside, for the cats to cuddle up in, and gave them an extra blanket too. I think they're gonna be O.K.

a little bit of this, a little bit of that

2008-12-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to the temple with the Ward Young Men's Presidency. It was nice. When the temple first opened, I was faithfully going every Wednesday morning to the early session, but after eight weeks of that, I just lost the habit. It's so nice to have a place that is so beautiful right here! I still can't believe it's here and that it is as lovely as it is.

We've been cleaning all day, and shoveling snow. It's hard to believe that I can dust one day, and the next day it's dusty again. We tried to go through some old papers and sort some of the piles of books that have a way of collecting on our bedstands and bookshelves and also stacked by the bedside. So many good things to read, so little time. So many things to memorize, or type up, or "to not forget." But only so much mind space. It reminds me that there's a reason we have the scriptures, and makes me feel a bit freer to throw away things I like in writing. I can't possibly keep all the quotes, articles, and poems that I read and like. But, I think, we have the most important words here in the scriptures.

We are almost ready for Christmas. It's humorous what a time we have here getting our Christmas cards addressed. We always have a struggle finding updated addresses.

I've resolved to try and keep politics out of my blog, to a certain extent. Over the years whenever I get excited about anything I want to tell the world, because they'll of course be excited too, no? No! I learned early in our marriage to not talk about home schooling. Then, I learned not to talk about natural or home birth either. Most recently, I am learning to be more cautious about speaking about politics. It's a good thing to learn. It is always a pleasant surprise though, when you stumble into the circle or "inner ring" of someone who appreciates a few similar views.

Now, on to the cats. Do you like my transitions in this entry? There are none. Anyway, the cats, Tonks and Bilbo are suffering through this rugged winter. Poor things. My heart is truly tempted to let them in and sit by the fire, but only tempted. Get thee behind me cats. I do feel concerned for their welfare, but I don't want cat hair all over and I can smell them and. . .no, they'll just have to make do. We will be buying them a bit of a Christmas treat--canned cat food. It's a rarity around here.

Yes, I will report that I have been running/walking almost every day. This week it was fun to go in the snow, ice, wind. I do like going out knowing that I can stop to walk a bit if I want. If I tell myself it will only be running, then it's a bit bleaker for my outlook.

Good night. Only five more sleeps 'til Christmas! When I was little in Jerome I remember waiting for my big brothers and their movie star wives to come home for Christmas. It was blissful to have them there. Nothing better. And I remember waiting in bed, straining to hear sounds outside on the roof.

Best Christmas Card Ever

2008-12-12T07:23:00.001-07:00

This little family is mesmorizing. We keep watching this over and over.

Wishing You a Merry 'Vintage' Christmas! from Jared Foster on Vimeo.

People of Israel, Part II

2008-12-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

i don't get out much. . .so this got my attention.

Mr. Finch, what time is our flight to Paris?

school boys in Jerusalem

Israeli soldiers in Jerusalem

is he not precious? He's looking through the fence to the wailing wall.

yes, i need a good camera & a few lessons,

please, just imagine how awesome this pict. would be if it weren't fuzzy. I love the devotion. I love the head to toe black. I love the black, and sometimes white beards.

This darling little old lady takes her post daily by the Dome of the Rock. Her husband will talk your ear off and give you a great tour, and at the end will tell you the price. And you thought he was just visiting with you.

The People of Israel, Part I

2008-12-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

Haven't you always imagined how fun it'd be to be a National Geographic photographer?
Well, here's as close as I'll ever get. I loved the people of Israel. They are beautiful!
Our guide and his wife--we adore them!

Our guide and his three boys. . .School girls--they are radiant and modest. We loved the modesty.

This little girl reminded me of Lili a few years ago.

In Jerusalem, outiside the Garden of Gethsemane.

Last December in Israel

2008-12-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

By the Garden Tomb

A year ago at this time Mr. Finch and I were in Israel. For the past few days I've been thinking about the trip--I'm so glad we went in December, because now I will always associate December with Israel.

The highlight of the trip for me was learning that mangers were made of

stone--

like the ones below. The Christ child, who is our rock, was born and laid in a rock, then died, and was again laid in a rock--the sepulcher.
See how the part that's chiseled out is just right for a baby--wrapped in swaddling clothes to be laid in?

my democratic sister-in-law Laura and myself

Another manger

Drinking troughs, or mangers like these were located in villages on the main streets for people to feed their animals from.